When I was a baby, Emma would carry me round like a doll, showing me off to whoever was there. As we grew up, I became her annoying little sister and she my bossy big sister. We shared a room for our younger years - you can imagine what that was like. I had to put up with her fetish for little furry animals that would only wake up at night.
As we got older, she became my idol - she showed me what was cool - (and what was not). She got to have boyfriends, have groovy clothes and go to pop concerts first. She taught me about boys and sex (not all of it true I have to say).
We used to fight, but somehow I just don't remember it.
Lately, our relationship had changed - we were soul mates - but now I was the older sister who gave advice and worried about her. I'm so grateful I was with her on her last good day. She was cheerful and strong. I'll never forget the smile she gave me when I left. It said, I'm ok...There is a word that frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is love. A good friend, said to me a few years ago, why doesn't Emma realise how much we love her? Having read her blog, I think in those last few months she came to understand the love that was always there. I believe that love helped her through her pain.
So what would she say if she was here now? She'd probably say cheer up you miserable lot - you're not the ones missing out on a party!
Emma - you were bright, fragile and fine. You taught me the importance of being myself whatever. You showed me how to be strong when the worst things are happening to you. And that your family and friends are the most precious things of all.
I will miss being able to just pick up the phone and talk to you. I will miss our shopping trips and drunken nights out. I will miss your mad insecurities, penchant for drama and your good advice. Most of all, I will miss not having my sister with me. We were a good team.
A favourite philosopher of Emma's, Donnie Darko, said, "I can only hope that the answers will come to me in my sleep. I hope that when my world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to."
Sleep well, sis.